sadandsassy

Belated Manic Monday Rant

sometimesithink

I’m all for giving bad advice to my frandz when it comes to life/ decision making/taco consumption/wutvr. Not saying that I intentionally give my friends bad advice but like why do people value what I make of a situation? Maybe my advice is good and I just think it’s bad because I do the complete opposite of what I tell people to do? Ja, prob.

I mean, I think I’m mature and advice giving worthy. Lolz, I’m actually neither of those two things but I issss honest. A little too honest and I’m hands down the worst liar in the world. I have no hesitation in saying ‘yes’ if you ask me “Do I look fat in this?” Need a taco bell chaperone at 4 a.m. to make sure you only get 1 cheesy double beef burrito instead of 17? I gotchyu. Oh! Annnddd I don’t judge/ scold you for doing something you probably shouldn’t have done but did anywayyyyy. I’m your friend,  not your mom. Zero fuxx given, do you booboo, LIVE YO LIFE! This sounds like a creepy add on craigslist looking 4 friends so I’m gna stop now.

It’s always good to get an outside perspective tho. That’s what friends are for. I always take advice from my friends to heart and advice from strangers is for the most part spot on. But, when it comes down to it, I’m going to do what I want to do. I mean, only I know what I want, right? Come to think of it, maybe that’s a problem. Maybe I should stop doing that. Spoiler alert: Seinfeld reference. I’m going to pull a ‘George Costanza’ and start doing the opposite of what I would usually do in situations and thennnn maybe my life will somehow improve. Yea, I’m gna do that.

Anyway, every girl in their late teenz/early 20’s should seriously check out Alexi Wasser’s blawgggggg imboycrazy.com. Her ‘Blind Leading The Blind’ posts are my favorite. Also, Guide to life!!!??? Read right nao. These posts are like sacred scriptures from the vagina bible, if there was one.

Some highlights from ‘Blind Leading The Blind’:

 “It’s important to never be alone… cuz that’s the time eating bread happens.”

” ‘once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater’ is a saying i don’t agree with. i DO think if you cheat in ONE relationship & you’re taken back, you’ll cheat again. but different partners are different experiences.”

“be the person you want to attract.”

““I’m just not that into ‘it‘ ” is the alternate version of  ”he’s just not that into you” – for today’s woman.”

“NEVER double text. It’s makes you look super lame! For serious!”

“don’t drink alcohol during the day. it’s gross. have some self control. even if you are at a bbq and everyone is getting shit faced or just nursing a beer. you’re better!”

“surefire asshole alerter= hummer limo.”

“stop TALKING about what you’re GONNA do and just DO it. nobody will believe you anyway until it’s done and you’ve actually accomplished something.”

“wear mascara! what the fuck is your problem? it will only make your life better. trust me.”

“when he calls, let it ring at least twice. nobody likes a desperate whore. xo”

(via The Blind Leading the Blind

Ciao.

Hey ma

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Demon

So, every morning, I usually wake up with random objects from throughout my house on/around me in my bed. Couple of months ago, the things to wake up to were rugs. Then, there were shoes which were then followed by those light socket cover things. Weird, right? No. Not weird at all because I have a mutant neurotic sadistic demon in the form of a black lab. My mom even attempted giving him away…which obviously was a fail. The people that came to get him changed their mind once they met him. He’s turning 1, July 30th, and he still acts as if he’s 2 months old/ a lap dog. I can’t even take a car ride with him without him jumping onto my lap when I’m driving. Safe? Ya, def. He has no attention span whatsoever and will eat ANYTHING/EVERYTHING. He threw up a football once. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s plotting my demise. Russell. The best/worst thing that ever happened to me. Despite all the crazy things he’s done/will do tomorrow though, I love him to death. He may have eaten numerous pairs of my shoes, but, I’m genuinely thankful everyday for this creature because it’s never a dull moment with him. Let’s just say I’m constantly entertained.

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I woke up to this a couple of days ago. A ball and a half eaten wiffle ball bat. S’cute.

Can’t shleep party